730. Learning from Birds of Paradise

The Mating Dance

I watched Netflix’ Planet Earth recently and was transfixed & fascinated by the Birds of Paradise’s Mating dances. I mean these birds work it something fierce. If you see and witness all the things animals of the wild have to go through to find a mate and mate with a mate…. be glad you are human.

Watch This Amazing Bird. Click It Ma!!!

And male spiders have to give their life to hook-up. Black Widows anyone?? And to be a dude hippo? They have to pee and poop and then use their tail to fling it at women Hippopotami… and this works? Elk have to bang heads with other dude elks to get a lady friend. Gives me a freaking headache! So when looking at the animal kingdom, be glad, be grateful. The modern male humanoid species just kinda has to have a job and not be a serial killer. Those things I feel may help. I dunno. Just be glad you’re not a bird of paradise, they have to twist and turn and clean and dance and change colors and contort into all sorts of freaking shapes!!! And even then, if they don’t do it well…. still they could face rejection. Damn, I’m glad I’m not some dude Bird of Paradise hanging out near closing time in the forest bar late at night lonely. Nor these birds either….

The Flame Bowerbird
Sage Grouse Working It!!
The Red-Capped Manakin trying so hard!!!

So men of the world be grateful, get a job, take a shower, speak in full sentences…. but just be glad you don’t have to work it like the Birds of Paradise. Learn from them. A good thing.

And now for something completely different… snail sex!!! And a guest writer, Kai McCollough from the Blogosphere. One of my good future things will be these links to some bloggers that follow me and I follow them. So Kai is one of those… and she added to this post with some quite enlightening content about snail sex!! Men and women of the world…. married and what not, just be really glad you aren’t a snail. If things get bad for you in the relationship department, be glad you aren’t a snail that literally has to stab each other to procreate. It’s good to be at the top to the food chain humans!!! A good thing. Anywhooooooo… here’s Kai’s addition to this post. Freaking snails.

Better watch this is you want to know about snail sex!!

Very interesting. We saw BOPs and sage grouse at the museum. I would add to your list the humble snail. A creature of the animal kingdom that came (literally), saw the titillating tribulations of the animal world and really threw it into the fuck it bucket. Why? Because screw the pageantry of birds of paradise or the “it takes a village” mentality of the seahorse… No, snails literally will stab you with their love dart. When two of these slimey, snotty, slithering escargots to be do meet what happens can only be described as this; A modern mans nightmare. The snail looks at the one night stand and resulting pregnancy with disdain. These two spongey and sticky snot rockets reach down into the halls of history to wrestle tacky, gooey, boneless bodies together in an rippling and viscous operatic fight that is punctuated by each opponent stabbing another with its sexual organ. God in his great wisdom created a slithering snot barnacle that turned sex into a great Greek tragedy where everyone walked away being in the family way. So, my friend, here is a tidbit of info you might not have known, inspired by your Birds of paradise. I think confidently we can add to your enumerated list of reasons to embrace our lazy human mating ritual this tidbit: love darts, because love does indeed bite! Or in this case Love dart.

Good writing above yes??? A good thing.

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